Finding the Good...

There are never enough things we would do to bring our loved ones back.  If one among us dies, there is nothing more heartbreaking than the feeling of never seeing them again.  It gnaws at you for the rest of your life—the dull tugging on your heart. I used to imagine a world where nobody would ever see their loved ones again; a world where all who died simply just disappeared.  

And then I learned more.  I learned that Christ will give us all the opportunity to live again, and be with our families, and what a reunion it shall be.  Our life on Earth is not very long, but our eternity is so much larger, and when the day comes that we meet with our lost loved ones again, there will be no words to fulfill the value of that tender moment.

Read the story of Elle Evans, the story that has changed and inspired my life COMPLETELY.  Every word has brought tears of gratitude, joy, heartbreak, and peace to my life.  Take a moment and read the story of the strong family who lost their beautiful, young little girl in a tragic accident.  I was a witness upon this event and it has changed me completely.

"I'll lend to you for a little time,
A child of mine," He said,
"For you to love the while she lives
And mourn for when she's dead.
 
"It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you till I call her back,
Take care of her for me?
 
"She'll bring her charms to gladden you
And should her stay be brief,
You'll have these precious memories
As solace for your grief.
 
"I cannot promise she will stay
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
 
"I've looked this world over,
In my search for teachers true.
In the crowds that throng life's land,
I have selected you.
 
"Now will you give her all your love
Not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call
To take her back again?"
 
It seems to me I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, thy will be done.
For all the joys a child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
 
"We'll shelter her with tenderness,
We'll love her while we may,
And for the happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay.
 
"And should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand."

"Let the little children come to me and do not forbid them;
for such is the Kingdom of God." Mark 10:14
 

This week I’ve lacked in posting due to a significant and tragic event that has forever changed my life.  Last Saturday, February 4th, I was driving my brother and cousin home from grocery shopping.  It was around 4:15pm, so the sun was timidly starting to fade to gold and the skylight was dropping.  The entire world seemed to be slowly progressing into nighttime.

We were driving on a rural road when I could see in my rearview as police were rushing up the street, their sirens blazing, followed by several firetrucks and ambulances.  Hastily, I pulled out of the way and let them pass, but the road was empty of almost all people, and they were heading in the same direction.  I silently vowed that no matter my curiosity, I wouldn’t follow them.  

I started out directly behind the last police officer, and gained speed behind them.  We rushed past homes and through the streets.  We began to approach the cutoff that leads to my ward boundaries and my home.  I planned on turning into my street and watching the police drive on, but to my surprise, they took the same direction toward my home.  

Immediately I felt prompted to follow—any previous thoughts against it were forgotten.  I hastily turned onto my street and passed my home, following the cops and ambulances as we climbed higher and higher into my ward boundaries.  Fear and heartache began to build up—this is my ward.  These people are my stronghold. We really are all a family, each of us neighbors.  The worry that thronged within me seemed to only get stronger and harder and more painful to bear.

I could see from a distance now where the accident was.  There were very few cars lined up, but instead police officers, two firetrucks, and two ambulances.  It didn’t seem to be a car accident, which only made me more nervous as I watched from a distance the mere frantic group of people, the scads of firemen and policemen running about.  I took a more remote, back road over to the opposite side of the accident and parked, frantically running out to find many members of my ward huddled in the driveway of a more recent family who I didn’t yet know well.  Only five to ten feet from the close group of people laid a little baby girl, her beautiful white-blond hair strewn around her white face, and blood dripping from her small mouth.  

There were two moments for me then.  Two very distinctive “moments” that I will never forget.  For the first moment, I saw my baby sister, Isabel.  My sweet, two-year-old sister Isabel lying on the ground.  Baby Isabel, the one who dances for our family, and laughs her head off, and kisses us when we’re crying, and sings to us every night.  My innocent, beautiful baby sister was lying on the ground, covered in blood, as ambulances and firemen and police officers swarmed her, trying hard to keep her little heart beating.  

And then I saw an angel.  I saw a beautiful, innocent angel sleeping on the ground.  Her white hair was in ringlets, and her white cheeks were flushed pink.  She was beautiful, and she seemed to glow with health and bloom.  She was too good for this life, I thought.  That moment was comforting, and gentle, and kept me at peace.  But this angel wasn’t there yet—she was just asleep.  And true as it was, she was unconscious.  A helicopter landed nearly twenty yards from me and I watched as her helpless little body was lifted and sailed away.  

The image became implanted into my brain.  All night, I cried for her and for her family, who reminded me so much of my own.  They were beautiful and selfless and happy, and now their sweet baby girl was in the hospital, dying.  The following day, Sunday, was the humbling day for me.

I woke up with no drive to attend church.  I had no feelings inside of me that said, “Ah, church, yes.”  Having 8:00am church usually restricts that on a weekly basis anyway, but it was different on February 5, 2012.  I slept in—I didn’t attend my first two hours, but nearing the third, I began to feel the emotional upheaval subside and I heard a voice tell me to go to church.  You cannot disregard those voices.

I went to Young Women’s.  The moment I walked in, I was stopped by the mother of one of my friends, who asked me about the event that went on the night before.  With my heart aching, I told her.  I explained everything, and the spiritual outpour fell from me like a heavy weight.  I could no longer carry this burden.  Following my conversation with her, I went to my classroom to find my next-door neighbor, who is like a second mother to me, teaching a lesson on Happiness and Joy.  Despite the upheaval and terror that struck us all—and each person cried throughout the lesson for the pain of possibly losing little baby Elle—we were blessed.  We felt at peace.  My previous Mia Maid leader leaned into me and said, handing me tissues and holding my hand tightly, “Your smile has always lit up my classroom.  Each time I taught, I’d look at you, for the privilege of feeling so much better and having the confidence to keep teaching, and to teach by the Spirit.”

…..I’ll conclude my story in the second part.  I just want to give people incentive to read both instead of admiring a post from a distance and deciding it’s too long.  

These words are purely mine… but all those there who struggle with the concept, feeling, or understanding of love, allow me to at least help you to the best of my ability.

LOVE is not LUST. They are similar in feeling and emotion, but different between what is bad and what is good.  LOVE: 

L is For:

Loyalty…hmm, whenever people say “loyalty”, I personally always just say, “Who cares?” because loyalty is one of those random words that you throw into a description box when somebody asks you what ‘qualities’ you like.  But if you think about it… isn’t it a meaningful quality? Having someone who is loyal to you—having someone who respects you, who admires you, who knows you well?  It doesn’t sound meaningful, but think of this: imagine your best friend with all of those qualities.  Picture situations where loyalty would come into play.  Then, picture your friend doing the opposite of that—having a friend or companion who doesn’t support you, who doesn’t respect you and your home, and who doesn’t know you or make any effort to know you.  Do you really want that in your daily life?  The best way to find loyalty is to BE LOYAL.

Life… when I say this, I mean that you should find someone who has a purpose to life.  Life is AMAZING, and I’m not just saying that as a preppy Mormon girl, I’m saying this as someone who loves and enjoys their life.  Why? Because I have a purpose, or multiple purposes, to it—I’m looking for someone to love rightly, I want to go to school and get an education, I’d love to be married and someday raise a family.  These goals that I have are my purposes.  If you don’t have them now, you don’t need to be concerned.  I know there’s more things to add to my list, I just haven’t found them yet.  Someday I will.  But listen to this: when you look for someone to love, look for someone in your life.  Someone that has life.  Someone that cares about life and doesn’t abuse life by doing things like smoking, drinking, drugs, pornography, the works…you have INCREDIBLE potential in life (this is for boys and girls), why not find someone that looks to thrive off of that potential as well?

Learning… you have to be patient with your love.  It will come, but only if you learn as you go.  Trial is GOING TO HAPPEN. Trial is going to come at you like a train.  The more you have, the stronger your Spirit must grow, and that’s what God has told us.  You’re going to make mistakes—I’ve made plenty already—but the point of all this is to learn from them.  Here’s what you should do: go write a list about everything you have dealt with before.  Write down all of the troubles that you’ve endured and mistakes that you’ve made, and write down the consequences.  (i.e. I know someone who was driving with his friends and got caught up drinking and crashed into a nearby accident, killing a police officer.  He must now endure the pain of ending someone’s life and many other consequences, like a job, jail, family, or potential education).  You should look at this list as a reminder of all the things you’ve learned.

L IS FOR LOYALTY, L IS FOR LIFE, AND L IS FOR LEARNING.

Loyalty: make a list of qualities that you desire in a future spouse.  Keep that always, and as you date and meet people, watch as the list grows and changes.

Life: the greatest suggestion I have for you is to discover yourself—pray, search your Scriptures, and think of Christ…but don’t just think of Him, act like Him.  I dare you, for just one week, to go through each day, every moment thinking, “What would I do if the Lord were with me right now?” I did it this past week, and I can truly say that although it was EXTREMELY hard, by the end of the week I felt a sense of happiness and satisfaction with myself for pulling through, and I felt extremely spiritually blessed. 

Learning: make the list that I told you about, and look and see what you’ve done.  Imagine what you could have done differently, and then say a prayer of gratitude.  There are no undoable things, everything you’ve done can be forgiven of if you pray and ask the Lord for forgiveness.  Learn from what you’ve done in life.

Today is a good day to be happy.  In Alma (in the Book of Mormon), I found something interesting and lovely…

Alma 41:5 The one raised to ^ahappiness according to his desires of happiness, or good according to his desires of good; and the other to evil according to his desires of evil; for as he has desired to do evil all the day long even so shall he have his reward of evil when the night cometh.

Today, I am going to LOOK for happiness.  I am going to prove my desires of happiness.  The challenge of today:

Listen to music that promotes my happiness.  Songs that are clean in language and refrain from explicit content…I’m going to listen to songs that I’d feel comfortable listening to in the presence of Jesus Christ.  Soft, pretty songs… that doesn’t specifically mean hymns and classical music, but it means songs that I enjoy and make me feel uplifted and put a smile on my face.  I challenge anyone else to do the same.