Finding the Good...

These words are purely mine… but all those there who struggle with the concept, feeling, or understanding of love, allow me to at least help you to the best of my ability.

LOVE is not LUST. They are similar in feeling and emotion, but different between what is bad and what is good.  LOVE: 

L is For:

Loyalty…hmm, whenever people say “loyalty”, I personally always just say, “Who cares?” because loyalty is one of those random words that you throw into a description box when somebody asks you what ‘qualities’ you like.  But if you think about it… isn’t it a meaningful quality? Having someone who is loyal to you—having someone who respects you, who admires you, who knows you well?  It doesn’t sound meaningful, but think of this: imagine your best friend with all of those qualities.  Picture situations where loyalty would come into play.  Then, picture your friend doing the opposite of that—having a friend or companion who doesn’t support you, who doesn’t respect you and your home, and who doesn’t know you or make any effort to know you.  Do you really want that in your daily life?  The best way to find loyalty is to BE LOYAL.

Life… when I say this, I mean that you should find someone who has a purpose to life.  Life is AMAZING, and I’m not just saying that as a preppy Mormon girl, I’m saying this as someone who loves and enjoys their life.  Why? Because I have a purpose, or multiple purposes, to it—I’m looking for someone to love rightly, I want to go to school and get an education, I’d love to be married and someday raise a family.  These goals that I have are my purposes.  If you don’t have them now, you don’t need to be concerned.  I know there’s more things to add to my list, I just haven’t found them yet.  Someday I will.  But listen to this: when you look for someone to love, look for someone in your life.  Someone that has life.  Someone that cares about life and doesn’t abuse life by doing things like smoking, drinking, drugs, pornography, the works…you have INCREDIBLE potential in life (this is for boys and girls), why not find someone that looks to thrive off of that potential as well?

Learning… you have to be patient with your love.  It will come, but only if you learn as you go.  Trial is GOING TO HAPPEN. Trial is going to come at you like a train.  The more you have, the stronger your Spirit must grow, and that’s what God has told us.  You’re going to make mistakes—I’ve made plenty already—but the point of all this is to learn from them.  Here’s what you should do: go write a list about everything you have dealt with before.  Write down all of the troubles that you’ve endured and mistakes that you’ve made, and write down the consequences.  (i.e. I know someone who was driving with his friends and got caught up drinking and crashed into a nearby accident, killing a police officer.  He must now endure the pain of ending someone’s life and many other consequences, like a job, jail, family, or potential education).  You should look at this list as a reminder of all the things you’ve learned.

L IS FOR LOYALTY, L IS FOR LIFE, AND L IS FOR LEARNING.

Loyalty: make a list of qualities that you desire in a future spouse.  Keep that always, and as you date and meet people, watch as the list grows and changes.

Life: the greatest suggestion I have for you is to discover yourself—pray, search your Scriptures, and think of Christ…but don’t just think of Him, act like Him.  I dare you, for just one week, to go through each day, every moment thinking, “What would I do if the Lord were with me right now?” I did it this past week, and I can truly say that although it was EXTREMELY hard, by the end of the week I felt a sense of happiness and satisfaction with myself for pulling through, and I felt extremely spiritually blessed. 

Learning: make the list that I told you about, and look and see what you’ve done.  Imagine what you could have done differently, and then say a prayer of gratitude.  There are no undoable things, everything you’ve done can be forgiven of if you pray and ask the Lord for forgiveness.  Learn from what you’ve done in life.

I never realized how many miracles are in my daily life.  I had never really given  it a thought, to be honest—but today, I realized many important things. Firstly, let me introduce you to Connor, my absolute best friend in the entire world.  Connor and I met ‘formally’ on trek last summer, despite being in the same ward for almost two years and saying four or five words to each other.  After trek, we became inseparable.  When school started back up, my mom said, “Don’t get too caught up with him, because school will throw you back into your old friends.”

But it wasn’t like that.  Connor and I are spiritually connected—we are undoubtedly tied together by the choices we make and the Spirit we’ve discovered together.  When school started back up, we only grew closer.  Yes, a lot closer.  Our friends from two different sides merged together because of us, and truthfully great things have started to happen.

Connor is my Priesthood guide.  I have a lovely father, and he’s a wonderful Priesthood holder and very worthy, but Connor and I have come together in no way I ever thought possible. He always confirms to me the truth of things—my testimony does not rely on him, but he has definitely helped in the strengthening of it.  And today, a miracle happened…

Connor has an indescribable relationship with his father.  They are both craftsman, very religious, and extremely faithful.  Connor never cries unless he’s bearing his testimony, in which he always mentions his dad.  Anyway, to the point, Connor’s father is about three hours away at their cabin down South, helping to repair damage and fix things due to the snow downpour.  Him and two or three other men went down ten days ago to work on the cabin—no reception, no service.  He calmly explained to his wife that he would be home in six days, but if it took seven or eight, there was no need to worry.  Snow storms were expected to be extremely heavy and they were likely to be trapped with no service.

So she waited patiently.  Her husband did not show up on day six, and as she is the mother of five boys and one girl, panic began to set in.  Day seven, nothing.  No phone call, no message.  She decided to put her trust in her husband and wait.  On the eighth day, there was no recognition of his returning home.  She began to grow extremely panicked as the ninth day, yesterday, rolled around and she couldn’t get ahold of her husband.  Today, around five o’ clock, she called her brothers and her oldest son, Connor, to go down and find them.  They were given a half-hour to pack, and she wandered frantically, trying to hide it from her younger children.  Only Connor knew.

Within ten minutes, Connor was at my doorstep.  I was surprised as he wandered in, took off his shoes and said, “We need to talk.  I’m leaving.”  It was so abrupt, and so… terrifying.  My heart fluttered in disbelief as I guided him down the stairs and into our home theatre room, sitting beside him on a recliner.  

Immediately, his eyes welled with tears.  He couldn’t look at me, but he grabbed my hand and held it tightly.  The moment his skin touched mine, it was like instant Spiritual contact.  I felt this heavy, emotional damage put onto my shoulders.  Connor said very quietly, holding back tears, “My dad isn’t responding…my mom is beside herself. She’s been praying, and she has now lost all comfort and believes that he may be dead.”

My heart stopped, but for some reason, I didn’t.  My mouth opened right then and words poured out like liquid, flowing all over.  I told him, “Connor, look at me.”  I took his face in my hands and looked him squarely in his wide dark tear stricken eyes and said, “Do not mistaken the shock and worry you feel from not knowing where your father is, for the Lord’s message of discomfort.  You may think that the Lord is telling you that your father is in a wrong state, but unless you truly, truly know that, don’t think it for a second.  The Lord is the Comforter, but only if you choose to overlook your discomfort and accept Him.”  

I then asked if he’d like to say a prayer.  It took him a moment to decide, but when he did, both of his hands grasped mine and we bowed our heads while I said a gentle, quiet prayer.  And you know… the Lord works in mysterious ways.  Less than ten minutes later, Connor’s father called for the first time in days to announce that the storm had passed and they were now coming home, right as Connor was about to leave.  

There are simple miracles everywhere.  I think recording them will be healthy.  We’ll just have to wait and see…

Today, my Laurel advisor, a very sweet British lady named Sister Dozey, gave a lesson about feeling the Holy Ghost.  I woke up late today, missed out on sacrament meeting, and my day was lacking spiritually.  I felt overwhelmed by sleep since last night was the dance and I had stayed out late with my group.  

I wore my creme dress and a black cardigan.  Unfortunately, my hair was a disaster from the night before, but a messy, curly ponytail did justice to the brief amount of sleep I received.  I felt far from pretty, definitely. As I sat against the wall, a brief strand of sunlight searing through the iced windows, I felt comfort again.  I forgot that I was tired, and it never crossed my mind from that point that I looked unwell.  I situated myself patiently and waited for the lesson.

Sister Dozey told a story that I feel comfort in sharing…she told about how when she was fourteen years old, she began to wonder how God felt about her.  She wanted to know if she was of any worth.  She didn’t feel like anybody loved her, and wanted that spiritual confirmation that she was important.  

For months, she prayed fervently.  Each day and each night, she was on her knees in soulful prayer, asking God if He could send her His love.  Months into her prayers, she woke one night around 2:45 in the morning and sat upright in bed, fully awake.  It surprised her about how she was so attentive when normally she should be so sleepy.  

Suddenly, in words that echoed through her room clearly and loudly like a bell, she heard the voice of the Lord say to her, “You are of infinite worth.”

Calm.  That is what she felt.  Calm, comfort, peace, love, emotion…she recalled leaning against her bed at that moment, unable to sleep, soaking in the love that she felt.  She told us that there was nothing greater than that, and it changed her life forever.  That Spiritual confirmation overwhelmed her, and still does to this day.  

How strongly I felt the Spirit then, it is hard to say.  My arms were tingling.  I knew, like I said, in my heart that every word she spoke was complete truth.  It a lovely, perfect happiness that overcame me.  

CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK:

Pray.  Pray daily, pray nightly.  If you do not know how to pray, then I must tell you: there is so right way to pray, not when you don’t know.  You should take a moment by yourself, close your eyes, and talk to the Lord.  After your prayer is done, wait patiently.  Just because you do not hear the voice of the Lord does not mean he’s with you—he is with you, pay attention. I promise that you will be comforted.

In a few moments, I’ll have a page up with some background information, but for now, all I can say is that I’ve felt spiritually inspired to start this blog for the record of my personal, secret online diary as an adolescent teenage member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Before the judgment and the commentary begin, this is what I’ll say…

My life is wonderful.  My life is all about being happy, and finding good things as I experience trial and adversity.  And yes, there is trial and adversity, but is it really so hard to be happy in the midst of this?  Our world is extremely corrupt right now, and that’s not just a Mormon view.  

So here we begin… in a storybook that is not filled with color and vibrancy until you take the paint and make it that way.  Welcome to my life, I hope at least someone is inspired by this wonderful, blissful thing we call life…